"Now, what is this site about, how Joe Torre ruined pitchers' arms? Is that it?"
-Michael Kay, August 18, 2009

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Michael Kay/YES Network drinking game

Many of us have a negative opinion of extremely predictable Yankees' play-by-play announcer Michael Kay. I've decided to create a drinking game based on the YES Network's coverage on Yankees' baseball. If you have any other suggestions, please let me know.

  • Kay says, "Fallacy of the predetermined outcome" – 1 drink
  • Kay laughs like a maniacal moron, and then is joined by the others in the booth – 1 drink
  • Kay says, "Put a bow on it" – 1 drink
  • Kay gets on his soapbox – 1 drink
  • Kay mentions that Kyle Farnsworth was caught by Joe Girardi – 1 drink
  • Kay says, "We thank you for joining us" – 1 drink
  • Kay says, "If you’re just joining us" – 1 drink
  • Viewer notices that the YES cameras cut off the top of Kay's head – 1 drink
  • Kay talks about baseball strategy, and is probably incorrect – 1 drink
  • Kay mentions how Mike Mussina locked himself in his hotel room in Japan with peanut butter and crackers – 1 drink
  • Kay says a player is "like the little girl with the curl" – 1 drink
  • Kay uses a word you have to look up in the dictionary – 1 drink
  • Kay says, "Hey!" (i.e. "Hey, Yankee fans!" or "Hey, check out…" – 1 drink
  • Kay says, "Tough league" when a pitcher throws a changeup or breaking ball when down in the count – 1 drink

  • Kay says, "Pretty play" – 2 drinks
  • Kay says, "Oh, what a play!" – 2 drinks
  • Paul O'Neill makes fun of Kay for having too many shows on YES – 2 drinks
  • Kay says, "Aforementioned New York Yankees" – 2 drinks
  • Kay mentions that O'Neill's trophies are behind his couch – 2 drinks
  • Kay says, "The awards you love so much" – 2 drinks
  • Kay mentions Don Mattingly and the bat-shaped weather vane – 2 drinks
  • Kay says, "If you’re scoring at home" – 2 drinks
  • Kay says, "Joe Girardi is the man with the mission on his back" – 2 drinks
  • Kay explains the benefits of the staggered lineup – 2 drinks

  • Kay screams, "See ya!," "there it goes," and/or "looking up" – 3 drinks / If he says all three in the same call, finish drink.
  • Kay refers to Phil Hughes, Joba Chamberlain and Ian Kennedy as "Generation Trey" – 3 drinks
  • Kay calls "The Joe Girardi Show" a variety show – 3 drinks
  • Kay says, "Martini Glass defense" – 3 drinks / Chug one beer if it is illustrated on the telestrator
  • Kay mentions how Chien-Ming Wang runs the Taiwanese economy – 3 drinks
  • Kay refers to a past conversation he had and says "he said" at least three times – 3 drinks
  • Kay says, "Most people don’t know Jason Giambi came up as a third baseman" – 3 drinks
  • Kay says that Giambi learned how to scoop well because of Oakland's immense foul territory – 3 drinks
  • Kay says he ties a Major League record with three assists in one inning – 3 drinks

  • Kay says, "Looking up" after the ball has already reached the stands – Finish drink
  • Kay asks his analysts a ridiculous question and is promptly debunked – Finish drink / Take an additional drink for each time he responds with a "don’t you think..." question
  • Kay talks about Kevin Mench's enormous head – Chug beer
  • Kay says, "Hit DEEP to left/right/center" and the ball is then caught well in front of the track – Chug two beers
  • Kay says, "Deuces wild" – 22 drinks
  • Kay isn't calling the game – Spray champagne
Please drink responsibly.

49 comments:

Andrew Vazzano said...

"IT'S BEEN THREE LONG YEARS!!" - Beat person with fake champagne glass. Chug bottle.

Well done. Loved 'em all.

NICK said...

You missed the biggest one:

when someone hits a foul ball and a little kid catches it

"that's a fan for life"

that's 3 drinks right there.

Brent said...

Absolutely LOVE this list. The only thing is... I can't see myself devoting 3 hours of my life to drinking shitty beer and watching/listening to Michael Kay.

Now, John Sterling, on the other hand...

zoolander said...

"players name" serves one into center field.

And my all time favorite....."A solid piece of hitting"!

Steve said...

It's only the second inning and I'm hammered already. Great job.

Gary Busey said...

Don't forget to take a drink every time the Giuseppe Franco hair commercial comes on.

Anonymous said...

I dont like this list at all

Andrew Fletcher said...

Good suggestions, guys. It's really amazing how predictable he is.

Scott Ham said...

Kay cites the same factoid for a player he did the night before.

Example: "Mariano Rivera comes on to pitch at Jacobs Field, where eleven years ago he gave up that fateful home run to Sandy Alomar. Do you think he's thinking about it?

Kay did that two nights in a row.

Two drinks. If he does it a third time, finish the glass.

Andrew Fletcher said...

Good observation, Scott.

I can't believe I forgot "free baseball" when it goes to extra innings. Remember when he used to scream "BONUS CANTOS!"?

raven said...

Take my advice. Forget about Michael Kay and listen carefully to other YES commentators such as
the ever insightful John Flaherty, who slipped a gem of wisdom into
pitcher scouting report:
"Lefty pitchers are generally not very intelligent."

Dave Lozo said...

this is great, man. i'm linking to this tomorrow.

but i would like to add:

any time he says "driven out to" left, right or center, one drink.

any time he says, "past a diving," one drink. two drinks if it's jeter.

any time he uses the word, "jeterian," three drinks.

any time he talks about how the blue jays sent down roy halladay to break him down and build him back up, one drink. three drinks if he mentions when halladay isn't pitching.

any time he asks john flaherty what he did in a big-time hitting situation that mirrors the one on the field at that moment, as if the answer isn't always, "get pinch-hit for," two drinks.

any time he references hideki matsui's grand slam in his first game with the yankees, three drinks.

i would also like to commend you on the "hey" thing. i thought for sure i was the only that bugged. great stuff.

Andrew Fletcher said...

Thanks for the comment, Dave. Those are great additions.

Sam said...

you also forgot "sometimes you have to lose the battle to win the war"

Anonymous said...

Its too bad you forgot "And how many times do you see it, a guy makes a great play in the field and leads off the next inning"-2 drinks

And obviously "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee makes the play. A pretty play by Insert Name Here"-3 drinks

Possibly my new favorite sports blog. Keep doing stuff like this!

Anonymous said...

Its too bad you forgot "And how many times do you see it, a guy makes a great play in the field and leads off the next inning"-2 drinks

And obviously "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeee makes the play. A pretty play by Insert Name Here"-3 drinks

Possibly my new favorite sports blog. Keep doing stuff like this!

Anonymous said...

Almost forgot when he calls a player a ridicilously lame nickname, such as constantino martinez, the giambino and the melkman (or any melk and rookies reference)-2 drinks

And when he's introducing the lineup "Insert name here, rounding out the order"- 1 drink

dont no if this was any inspiration
http://soxfaninhell.livejournal.com/24036.html

Andrew Fletcher said...

Giambino and the Melkman are usually Sterling's.

And no, I didn't see that link until you just posted it.

Good suggestions.

Anonymous said...

dont forget...

when he calls a popup (usually by a-rod), a "homerun in a silo" (drink 2)

Anonymous said...

any time Kay or his boothmates mention Fordham - 1 drink

Anonymous said...

"BIG HEALTHY CUT"

Anonymous said...

I don't have the exact quote, but it is along the lines that players achieve what is on the "back of their baseball card".

1 drink if it's Robinson Cano
2 drinks if it's a pitcher

Andrew Fletcher said...

That's a great one. He loves that line.

Anonymous said...

don't forget when kay mentions when a pitch "whispers across the outside corner"

mary-kate said...

What about: "(insert player's name) gobbles it up"

Zack said...

Michael Kay,
You have the most annoying voice. I tune in to boo the yankees and have to listen to your god forsaken, high, puny, voice. When i think of yankee fans, I think of retarded looking people talking like Michael Kay. Not to mention that other announcer that is trying to call plays like Barry White. It is pretty rediculous. That "see ya" comment that Kay uses is the worst home run phrase ever created. When he says it, I cringe in my seat because it is just so retarded. I believe the YES network would be better off having no announcers at all. The yankees is a shit organization that has terrible announcers and will never win a championship while the red sox are good.

Steve Greenberg said...

His ridiculous home run call, "Track, Wall..." where he's obviously referring to the ball and not the fielder.

Charley Norris said...

After Mariano did the SAP plug and Kay tried to pull it off for a while. I wish YES would put him in a dunking booth.

Regina said...

You people are ridiculous, Michael Kay is awesome and I think he is loved by Yankee fans. You are just jealous that you don't have a great life like his.

Andrea said...

I think that this needs to be revised for the 2009 season.

Andrew Fletcher said...

Absolutely. I can hear it now: "...and Carsten Charles Sabathia/Allan James Burnett is on the mound." You know he loves calling people by their full names (ie: Constantino Martinez).

Anonymous said...

What about "Giving Chase" did I miss that here ??

Charlie said...

I think I am gonna print this out and laminate it

Cheers Andrew

Anonymous said...

hear "{score} at the new house" at the end of an inning

DjFog86 said...

Hmm... needs a "Hey fans!" haha.

Andrew Fletcher said...

@DjFog86

Kay says, "Hey!" (i.e. "Hey, Yankee fans!" or "Hey, check out…" – 1 drink

Look harder! Haha

Anonymous said...

I get the impression that Kay is gay. Does anyone know about his personal life re females???

Monica Bay said...

I'm a HUGE fan of Michael Kay -- and this is hilarious.

sgreen3 said...

Oh, man. Can't wait to give this a shot (no pun intended). I'll probably be gone after 1/2 an inning.

Anonymous said...

What about: "an inauspicious beginning..." for a pitcher. or fait accompli?

Anonymous said...

John Sterling leaves a spontaneous money shot on Bob Sheppard's forehead, mistaking him for Gene Sheppard, while oggling interweb photos of Ruth Bada Ginsburg.

Spiritofstlouis.

Anonymous said...

Kay says; That is one of the greatest games you will ever see- 10 drinks;if he says it after a yankees walkoff chug 3 beers

Anonymous said...

I like to listen to Michael Kay, but Ken
Singleton is the best announcer in baseball. Joe Morgan is the worst.

Anonymous said...

when the yanks are up by a lot and there's no throw for a stolen base and Kay says "and (insert opponent players name) takes second on defensive indifference. ( he says this every single time it happens) 3 drinks

also, when a foul ball is caught by a kid and he says "aaaaaaand there's another happy customer"... and then the camera stays on them for the rest of the inning so Kay can try to narrate the conversation between the kid and his family. 2 drinks

MASE said...

This one you have to add, I find it most annoying. It's when something LOOMS LARGE, as in "and it's a double in the gap, so that caught stealing is going to loom large".

MASE said...

Another, when he says, "and that one is popped up" and it ends up being caught out by the warning track. Pop-ups are for the infield or general infield area. If it's in the outfield it's a FLYBALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MASE said...

Another, "and for the kids out there, the infield fly rule is............" We have to have the infield fly rule explained to us about 50 times a year. The kids Know what it is!!!!!!!!

MC Camel said...

"Time of the game, a manageable [insert time of game]" 1 drink

Anonymous said...

How about "check that" every time he screws up. 1 drink

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